Okay, to start out, I’m not particularly feeling great about this post topic in general. It feels a little baity to me, mostly in a sort of “anything you don’t list here isn’t really important” kind of way. But I said I want to at least attempt all 52 of these blog post topics, so here’s this one.
So let’s just disclaimer that right away and say that:
1. These opinions are my own.
2. They are not my ONLY values.
3. This is really personal and generally speaking, I like to try and separate my art and my personal beliefs separate. My characters think, do, and say things I never would. That kind of thing should be a basic understanding as far as I’m concerned, but whatever.
4. This is not open to debate in general. At least not online. If you have a problem with me, talk to me like an adult. I’m not attacking anyone in stating what I value, and I expect to be treated with the same courtesy.
So what are my values? Honestly, it’s pretty simple.
Everyone has value and deserves the best life available.
That puts in about as simplistic a term as I can put it. No one person has more or less value than any other. No one belief is greater than any other. Your rights end where anyone else’s body begins, and the same goes for me. As long as no one is being harmed by your words, actions, or beliefs, that’s all that matters. Want to have gay BDSM orgies? Great. Keep it away from unwilling eyes, go have fun. Want to flog yourself and pinch your nipples thinking about the pedophiles currently in US political power? Enjoy. But the second you start forcing your wants and beliefs on someone else is the moment I lose patience and write you off. You don’t get to preach to me about how I’m going to Hell if you won’t listen to me tell you why my “sin” is no greater or worse than yours. I have no desire to try and “turn you gay,” so why do I have to endure your judgmental rant about my haircut not being something you like? It’s not your hair.
Okay, let’s put that rant aside.
If I had to pick one thing above all else to value, it would be kindness. Not niceness, not love, not tolerance or acceptance or conviction or faith.
Kindness.
I’ve heard it said before that the difference between kindness and niceness is apparent in culture on the US east and west coast. That people on the west coast are nice but not kind, and on the east coast, they’re kind but not nice. He example I’ve heard: your car is broken down on the side of the road.
Kind but not nice: You dumbass, how could you let your tires get that bad? Here, I have a carjack, idiot. Let me just change this tire. Oh hang on, my girlfriend’s calling. Hey Baby. Yeah, I’m on the side of the road helping some moron change a tire. I’ll be home late.
They’ll call you names, belittle you even, but they’ll help fix the problem. Now the other side.
Nice but not kind: Oh no, you poor sweet baby, are you okay? Flat tire? That sucks. But you’re okay? You have water and a cell phone to call for help? Great. Hope you get home safe. Bye!
They’ll express worry, make sure you’re okay, but not lift a finger to help.
That’s why I prefer kindness. Insult me all you want, but if you are able and able to help, do it. There’s a whole lot of this world and its greater human culture that would be improved if we’d just make kindness more common. I simply don’t understand how people can be so horrible to one another. Sure, I understand the psychology of it. Hurt people hurt people. Sure. But dammit, we should be better than this.
Be gentle with yourself first. It’s hard. It is SO hard. I’m 41 and still working on it. I’m getting better. From there, practice kindness. Something as simple as a genuine compliment can go a long way towards brightening not only the recipient’s day, but your own. Such a thing feels awkward at first; it did for me when I started a few years ago. Passing by a stranger in the grocery store and thinking, “Wow, that dress looks great on her,” is fine, but dammit, SAY IT. There’s no reason not to! I have no problem now telling people what great smiles they have, that the color they’re wearing really works for them, their hair is awesome, or that they just look happy.
Spread love recklessly. Maybe that should be a value.
Do it. I dare you.
So let’s just disclaimer that right away and say that:
1. These opinions are my own.
2. They are not my ONLY values.
3. This is really personal and generally speaking, I like to try and separate my art and my personal beliefs separate. My characters think, do, and say things I never would. That kind of thing should be a basic understanding as far as I’m concerned, but whatever.
4. This is not open to debate in general. At least not online. If you have a problem with me, talk to me like an adult. I’m not attacking anyone in stating what I value, and I expect to be treated with the same courtesy.
So what are my values? Honestly, it’s pretty simple.
Everyone has value and deserves the best life available.
That puts in about as simplistic a term as I can put it. No one person has more or less value than any other. No one belief is greater than any other. Your rights end where anyone else’s body begins, and the same goes for me. As long as no one is being harmed by your words, actions, or beliefs, that’s all that matters. Want to have gay BDSM orgies? Great. Keep it away from unwilling eyes, go have fun. Want to flog yourself and pinch your nipples thinking about the pedophiles currently in US political power? Enjoy. But the second you start forcing your wants and beliefs on someone else is the moment I lose patience and write you off. You don’t get to preach to me about how I’m going to Hell if you won’t listen to me tell you why my “sin” is no greater or worse than yours. I have no desire to try and “turn you gay,” so why do I have to endure your judgmental rant about my haircut not being something you like? It’s not your hair.
Okay, let’s put that rant aside.
If I had to pick one thing above all else to value, it would be kindness. Not niceness, not love, not tolerance or acceptance or conviction or faith.
Kindness.
I’ve heard it said before that the difference between kindness and niceness is apparent in culture on the US east and west coast. That people on the west coast are nice but not kind, and on the east coast, they’re kind but not nice. He example I’ve heard: your car is broken down on the side of the road.
Kind but not nice: You dumbass, how could you let your tires get that bad? Here, I have a carjack, idiot. Let me just change this tire. Oh hang on, my girlfriend’s calling. Hey Baby. Yeah, I’m on the side of the road helping some moron change a tire. I’ll be home late.
They’ll call you names, belittle you even, but they’ll help fix the problem. Now the other side.
Nice but not kind: Oh no, you poor sweet baby, are you okay? Flat tire? That sucks. But you’re okay? You have water and a cell phone to call for help? Great. Hope you get home safe. Bye!
They’ll express worry, make sure you’re okay, but not lift a finger to help.
That’s why I prefer kindness. Insult me all you want, but if you are able and able to help, do it. There’s a whole lot of this world and its greater human culture that would be improved if we’d just make kindness more common. I simply don’t understand how people can be so horrible to one another. Sure, I understand the psychology of it. Hurt people hurt people. Sure. But dammit, we should be better than this.
Be gentle with yourself first. It’s hard. It is SO hard. I’m 41 and still working on it. I’m getting better. From there, practice kindness. Something as simple as a genuine compliment can go a long way towards brightening not only the recipient’s day, but your own. Such a thing feels awkward at first; it did for me when I started a few years ago. Passing by a stranger in the grocery store and thinking, “Wow, that dress looks great on her,” is fine, but dammit, SAY IT. There’s no reason not to! I have no problem now telling people what great smiles they have, that the color they’re wearing really works for them, their hair is awesome, or that they just look happy.
Spread love recklessly. Maybe that should be a value.
Do it. I dare you.
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