Shakespeare famously uses a five-act structure. While I don't feel like my life is actually following the acknowledged actual form of building conflict and resolution that the five-act structure uses, I cannot help but feel like the last few months have been the beginning of my third act. Let me explain:
Act 1 for me, I would say is birth to my school years, and I'll honestly include college in that, so call it ages 0-23 or so. I think it's something of a self-explanatory act for many of us: childhood, puberty, teen years, and into young adulthood.
My Act 2, appears to have been about that age 23-40. A short act, but rather than learning to be a person, it was learning to be an adult. In those years, I went from being a recent college graduate waiting tables to a bank teller, to a call center employee (various jobs there), to a music publishing administrator. There were other notable events, such as the births of my nephews and godchildren, buying my house, and a few devastating relationships. On a more personal level, this was when I podcasted, did NaNoWriMo a few times, and published all my novels from Empeddigo to Assassin's Kin. It's also the period of time when I finally got the two gender-affirming surgeries that changed my life.
The nature of life blurs the lines between these "life acts." I could argue two real starting points for my Act 3, which is just getting started.
The first place I could point it would be about a year ago, when I first decided to pursue a neurodivergence diagnosis. Long story short, it was in June of 2024 when I was formally diagnosed as autistic. That diagnosis has and still is putting so much of my life into perspective. Behaviors I have that baffle or annoy me suddenly make sense, and by making sense, are more easily tolerated, forgiven, or even embraced. I am learning to better advocate for myself and to communicate why something is a struggle, without feeling like a fool or failure for not understanding why something like a simple phone call is so hard.
The second place I could point to as the start of Act 3 is far more recent. A bit of context: I just had my 6th anniversary at my job in November 2024. The company gives two weeks of holiday break at the end of the year, which is generous and always greatly appreciated. I relished the time away, knowing it would be January 6th before I returned to work.
On January 1, I was finally able to acknowledge I was deeply in depression. Not for the first time, and I'm not unsafe. I won't go into my personal depression battle history, but I was able to recognize it and admit it then. I returned to work after the holidays feeling as if I'd had no time away.
Long story short, I eventually realized that job itself was the primary source of the depression. For two of the last six years in the job, I'd been unhappy, to the point of actually searching for new employment. Hundreds of applications and not a single interview. Hell, I probably only got rejections 5% of the time, if that. More than anything, the applications were met with ghosting. But I digress. I was unhappy but treading water.
Treading water was no longer an option. After a lot of thought, I realized I had to take a risk:
I had to quit without having a safety net to catch me. For my mental and emotional health, I had to leave the job. I hadn't written decently in years, though it did sort of start coming back in the latter half of 2024.
So I did. I put in my notice, and I left that job. I started looking for new work, but in different places. And I started getting responses. Rejections, mostly, but that's better than ghosting. That's when I realized why:
For two years, I was applying for jobs similar to what I'd been doing in music publishing.
That wasn't where I needed to be.
I'm a creator. I write, I craft, I speak.
I make.
That's what I need to be doing with my life.
So this is what Act 3 looks like. I'm still here, currently working a part-time job that I don't like, but that at least puts some money in my pocket. But more importantly, I'm spending my time MAKING again. I'm working on books and stories. I'm getting voice demos together to audition for voice acting gigs. I'm crafting a lot more than I have in the last few years, whipping out chainmail again.
I'm scared, honestly. But more importantly, I am HAPPY. In my job of the last 6 years, I've been financially comfortable... but spiritually broken.
Act 3 has turned that around completely. I hope my savings last me long enough to start supporting myself through a combination of grunt jobs and freelance work. I hope that by the time this year is out, I might be scraping by with the occasional voice gig, patrons, a new book?!, and maybe even professional Dungeon/Game Master work.
My life has always been meant to entertain and inspire. A lot of my Act 2 tried to do that, but I let the world trample me a bit, and I basically went into hibernation as an act of self-preservation. In Act 3, I'm throwing myself at it harder.
Other people can do it, so can I.
Act 3 is just getting started, and I feel so much more powerful than I ever have. I'm more afraid than I've ever been, but even that pales against my determination and drive right now. I've always been ambitious, but now I am not holding back for fear of failure. No more being safe.
No more scared, over-cautious, self-shrinking here. I have just as much ability and right as anyone to have both success and happiness.
I really hope you come along for the ride, because I'm going to be seeing and doing some amazing things. Please come with me.
Act 1 for me, I would say is birth to my school years, and I'll honestly include college in that, so call it ages 0-23 or so. I think it's something of a self-explanatory act for many of us: childhood, puberty, teen years, and into young adulthood.
My Act 2, appears to have been about that age 23-40. A short act, but rather than learning to be a person, it was learning to be an adult. In those years, I went from being a recent college graduate waiting tables to a bank teller, to a call center employee (various jobs there), to a music publishing administrator. There were other notable events, such as the births of my nephews and godchildren, buying my house, and a few devastating relationships. On a more personal level, this was when I podcasted, did NaNoWriMo a few times, and published all my novels from Empeddigo to Assassin's Kin. It's also the period of time when I finally got the two gender-affirming surgeries that changed my life.
The nature of life blurs the lines between these "life acts." I could argue two real starting points for my Act 3, which is just getting started.
The first place I could point it would be about a year ago, when I first decided to pursue a neurodivergence diagnosis. Long story short, it was in June of 2024 when I was formally diagnosed as autistic. That diagnosis has and still is putting so much of my life into perspective. Behaviors I have that baffle or annoy me suddenly make sense, and by making sense, are more easily tolerated, forgiven, or even embraced. I am learning to better advocate for myself and to communicate why something is a struggle, without feeling like a fool or failure for not understanding why something like a simple phone call is so hard.
The second place I could point to as the start of Act 3 is far more recent. A bit of context: I just had my 6th anniversary at my job in November 2024. The company gives two weeks of holiday break at the end of the year, which is generous and always greatly appreciated. I relished the time away, knowing it would be January 6th before I returned to work.
On January 1, I was finally able to acknowledge I was deeply in depression. Not for the first time, and I'm not unsafe. I won't go into my personal depression battle history, but I was able to recognize it and admit it then. I returned to work after the holidays feeling as if I'd had no time away.
Long story short, I eventually realized that job itself was the primary source of the depression. For two of the last six years in the job, I'd been unhappy, to the point of actually searching for new employment. Hundreds of applications and not a single interview. Hell, I probably only got rejections 5% of the time, if that. More than anything, the applications were met with ghosting. But I digress. I was unhappy but treading water.
Treading water was no longer an option. After a lot of thought, I realized I had to take a risk:
I had to quit without having a safety net to catch me. For my mental and emotional health, I had to leave the job. I hadn't written decently in years, though it did sort of start coming back in the latter half of 2024.
So I did. I put in my notice, and I left that job. I started looking for new work, but in different places. And I started getting responses. Rejections, mostly, but that's better than ghosting. That's when I realized why:
For two years, I was applying for jobs similar to what I'd been doing in music publishing.
That wasn't where I needed to be.
I'm a creator. I write, I craft, I speak.
I make.
That's what I need to be doing with my life.
So this is what Act 3 looks like. I'm still here, currently working a part-time job that I don't like, but that at least puts some money in my pocket. But more importantly, I'm spending my time MAKING again. I'm working on books and stories. I'm getting voice demos together to audition for voice acting gigs. I'm crafting a lot more than I have in the last few years, whipping out chainmail again.
I'm scared, honestly. But more importantly, I am HAPPY. In my job of the last 6 years, I've been financially comfortable... but spiritually broken.
Act 3 has turned that around completely. I hope my savings last me long enough to start supporting myself through a combination of grunt jobs and freelance work. I hope that by the time this year is out, I might be scraping by with the occasional voice gig, patrons, a new book?!, and maybe even professional Dungeon/Game Master work.
My life has always been meant to entertain and inspire. A lot of my Act 2 tried to do that, but I let the world trample me a bit, and I basically went into hibernation as an act of self-preservation. In Act 3, I'm throwing myself at it harder.
Other people can do it, so can I.
Act 3 is just getting started, and I feel so much more powerful than I ever have. I'm more afraid than I've ever been, but even that pales against my determination and drive right now. I've always been ambitious, but now I am not holding back for fear of failure. No more being safe.
No more scared, over-cautious, self-shrinking here. I have just as much ability and right as anyone to have both success and happiness.
I really hope you come along for the ride, because I'm going to be seeing and doing some amazing things. Please come with me.
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